Thursday, November 26, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
I am writing today about how different we all are as Mothers and how that really should just be ok. I am finding, in my experience, that people don't seem to have a problem telling me what or how to do something in terms of mothering my child. They give me their bossy opinions when I don't ask for them and they continue to tell me what I seem to be doing wrong. I find this all so interesting and of course bothersome, yet I want to make peace with it so I don't have to continue getting upset. I am a very PROUD attachment parent. I, as well as my husband, am in agreement with how we are raising our son. That is all that matters to me. Everyone else can raise their children however they choose to and you don't ever have to worry about me judging or throwing in my 2 cents about how you're doing it. So, I ask that you do the same for me. It doesn't seem to be enough that I feel completely confident and grounded in my decisions or my mothering style. I used to think that's why people felt they could say the things they did. They found a weakness and wanted to play on that. Well, I definitely don't feel weak and I definitely love the love in our home and the product of all of our choices, our beautiful son. We are all doing our best to figure things out daily in taking care of our children, our partner, and ourselves. I am sharing this because I want you to believe in yourself and know that other people who question what you are doing, especially when it's based in Love and your motherly instinct, are coming from a place that you don't have to accept. Just smile and say, "It's working for us" or "Thank you for sharing." Don't doubt yourself and try not to let it aggravate you as I have let it aggravate me. I am letting go of that and moving on. I love being a mom and my husband is a wonderful father. We are so happy and confident in our parenting style. Our son is such proof that it is all working out over here. He is a pure, sweet, kind, generous, independent and happy boy. That is once again, all that matters to me. Have a beautiful day!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Well, that morning took place here one day and continues occurring daily in our home now. My husband, and I love him so much, was one of those men who had somewhat of a difficult time really embracing being a father, the reality of our life and how much it changed once having our son. We struggled quite a bit for the first several months because of that. I was so in love with our son and so committed (still am) and so tired of course. I just wanted to do the best I could every day and wanted my husband to support me and at the very least, understand and not give me a hard time about the way things had changed. I would've been happy with him simply accepting our reality. That would've been enough.
I am so amazed at how much more he has exceeded my hopes and expectations as the father I knew he could be. I do believe it was one morning that I first saw it, just like in the movie. It all just connected for him and he was so into our son and so supportive of me. He truly is wonderful and the most incredible father and husband. Being pregnant, I have been so fatigued and it's been challenging doing everything that I was used to doing before. He not only changes diapers, helps out with our precious dog, Savvy, assists me around the house, etc. He now takes Pierce for walks, plays with him, reads to him, took him on his first man date out to lunch and so much more. There are just so many little things that I can't believe every day. He's such a natural.
I am just so lucky and so happy and so in love with my family. I knew he was the man I wanted to marry and I knew he would be the father I wanted for our children. It took a little time for him to adjust but, as I said, he has done so much more than that. I melt every day watching them and I am just so grateful for all of this. With our new son arriving in December, we are both so excited. Everything is going so well and both of our boys are so healthy and strong. Thank you Family Man for all that you do, for all of your love and support, and for being the man you are. I am so proud of you and I love you so much.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Well, with all of the questions and doubts and adjustments, our family has found our sleeping solution! As I mentioned previously, we were doing the whole "other room" thing and my husband and I weren't sleeping together as I was sleeping with my son. We were going to try the "daddy calms him in the middle of the night in his crib" approach but that didn't exactly work. Not because we tried and failed, but rather because we just all wanted to be together and it didn't feel right putting Pierce in a room across the house. So, we gave it a shot and Pierce went to sleep with us in our bed a couple of weeks ago. He's been so happy and sleeping so well and Dana and I are so happy also. We all get to be together, everyone is getting proper rest, and we say every night how special it is that we can all be so close. I am so lucky to have a husband who is supportive and in love with our son as I am. He supports this whole attachment parenting philosophy that I am practicing and he is a wonderful attachment parent as well. It's so interesting how much you go through before you find what really works. You doubt yourself along the way, you have disagreements, you stand for what you believe in, you realize you share the same views and then you find your path. We have found ours after various trials and I am so grateful and enjoying every second with my family. Pierce wakes up every morning and puts his head on my belly and says, "Baaaaaabbbbbyyyyy!" It is too precious and the smile on his face and all of our faces in the morning definitely remind us that we have found what works for our family. Just as I've said about trusting your instincts regarding breastfeeding, I feel the same about your family and your sleeping situation. If the crib works and you are all happy… excellent. If you can all share a family bed comfortably… fabulous! I told Dana that since we found out we are having another boy, I don't need to start all over with pink and green baby stuff and we'll save a lot of money. Sooooooooo, my new request simply is an extra large (if there is anything out there larger than a king) bed to accommodate our growing family. Ahhhh.... isn’t life sweet? Happy 4th all and enjoy your holiday weekend!
Monday, June 22, 2009
I have been thinking so much lately about the fact that I'm pregnant and still nursing. Not because I have any issues with it, but of course because so many other people seem to. It's ok though; I once again possibly doubted my decisions and myself but thankfully have come to my senses. I have heard so many things for so long now regarding the length of time I have chosen to nurse my son. First it was at around the 6 month mark..."how much longer are you going to do that, he can eat food now." Then as I was approaching the one-year mark, "you're going to give it up by his birthday right?" Well, please let me continue only so that any of you that are still nursing can relate and have heard these very same comments. Then it became, "You know you can't get pregnant while you are still nursing..." Oh, but my friends, I did. That however, wasn't the end. Now, I am faced weekly with the, "When are you going to wean him, your depriving your unborn baby." Oh myyyyyyyyyy...first of all, what I really want to know is this. WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH? I know I may seem a bit irritated and as I write this I am actually giggling. I just think it's so funny how concerned everyone is about this and yet sometimes.... it’s really just not funny. I love my son more than anything, as I've mentioned before. I feel that our relationship is so amazing and our nursing relationship has just been perfect. It still is. I just read a wonderful article on tandem nursing.... uh oh, yes that's what I said. Don't worry; I'm ready for you. The article mentioned how if your child is willing to nurse through the pregnancy and it's still working for both of you, then tandem nursing is an incredible experience. It said how your body would know to produce plenty for both the newborn and toddler and it actually helps the two of them bond in such a special way. At this point, I am just so, so happy and things are going so well over here. I would never do anything to hurt any of us.... my husband, my son, my unborn baby or myself. That being said, I know that this can't be wrong. The mutual benefit is the best. I will never get this time back and I will never regret giving my son or myself this gift. I just want to say, to any of you who are relating and who ever doubt yourself, trust your instincts. Trust yourself as a woman and as a mother. You do know the answers. I still haven't figured out exactly why people are so concerned or really even where they are coming from but that is ok. I really don't need to understand that now. I just need to continue doing what I'm doing and enjoying every day and allowing nature to take it's course. I will know when it's time to make a change. I will know and so will you. Goodnight all and Happy Breastfeeding!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Ok....so here I am again, not feeling comfortable about all of these changes I'm supposed to be making for Pierce. I just met a woman with 3 kids at lunch and we got into talking about how we don't sleep much. Her youngest is a year old. I said, "my son is almost 16 months and I'm still not sleeping much either." She said, "I just can't let her cry." Well, I'm with you sister. I can't either and that has been my problem. I know so many people do the various sleep training methods out there and I know they work for them. They have babies sleeping through the night in their own rooms at 2 months old. They are sleeping and well rested for the adventures to come the next day. I have to tell you that I am not complaining. I feel that my son will not be this young forever, he will not need me this way forever, and I will be sleeping all night for the rest of my life again soon. I am watching him grow so fast before my eyes and I look at the big picture and savor these moments and these times with him and know that it will all work out just fine. The only things that ever make me doubt myself are the comments made by other people. When Pierce was born I was bombarded with opinions and I actually sometimes doubted my choices and myself. That was very uncomfortable because my instincts were so strong and so natural and coming from a place of PURE LOVE. I finally realized that I had to trust myself and I no longer doubted my mothering style or my choices and our family was much happier once I realized this. I have not let people affect my decisions or choices in my mothering style since. This plan to adjust the sleeping situation is on hold at the moment because my husband is having a hard time doing it also. So for now, we will do the best we can and continue to love each other and love our son. My morning sickness is getting better and my belly has popped. I do love being pregnant and I love being a mom. These times are going by too fast already. I will never say I didn't enjoy or appreciate every moment and my son will never say he wasn't loved. That's what matters to me. Goodnight all and I love hearing from you.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
A very close friend shared something with me when my son was born that someone shared with her when her daughter was born. She held her daughter for the first time after giving birth and someone said, “Now start letting go.”
This is a very understandable concept and yet, not an easy one for me. I love my son so much...more than I can ever, ever explain and I would do anything for him. I am very much an attachment parent and it's all been working well and benefiting all of us. Mostly we see it in Pierce's disposition, his warmth, kindness, sense of humor, willingness to share, communicate and connect on so many levels at such a young age. I, as all of you I'm sure, am a very proud mother. I am going through a bit of something now that needs a slight shift on my part and I know will be better for all of us in the long run. I am pregnant and have been suffering from morning sickness and major fatigue daily. I also have lupus so I definitely need to take care of myself. We went to see Dr. Nancy yesterday; Pierce's amazing pediatrician, and I just feel so lucky that we have her. She is a very similar mother as me, an attachment parent, sensitive, and also chooses homeopathic remedies if needed first, which I am so happy about. We had a discussion yesterday about the nursing, and the sleeping issues I really didn't want to bring up but felt I needed to. As a mother, I realize that I do take care of myself but would definitely sacrifice my health or anything else for Pierce. I know that's not a good thing really because without my strength, I am not of much use to him. Although, trust me, he would never know it, because I would find the strength somewhere and do every day. I've been sleeping with Pierce in the guest room so that we could both sleep and he could nurse if he needed in the middle of the night. This has been our practice for months now. I nurse him until he falls asleep and then I put the monitor on him and go and spend time with my husband. Then I sleep for a while until I hear him and go sleep the rest of the night in there. Lately however, since I've been pregnant, I haven't quite made it into the room to spend time with my husband, because I have not been feeling well and have been so exhausted. I just fall asleep with Pierce at his bedtime. I've known that this hasn't been very healthy for me and certainly isn't making my husband happy. I try to do my best and ask him to understand and support me and he does his best to do that. It still isn't making him happy though and I miss my time with him also. So, back to my talk with Dr. Nancy… She told me that I really need to take care of myself and that it would be so much better for everyone if Pierce was in his crib, in his room, and we were all sleeping well through the night. I agree with this which is why I knew we needed to have this talk, yet I am scared about actually going through what it's going to take to get him there. She said to nurse him before bed and to let Dana go in the middle of the night if he wakes up to soothe him back to sleep. I know most people do this when their babies are only months old but hey, here I am going through it now. I have resisted. The night nursing is not necessary for nourishment at this point and he is only using it for comfort. I want to provide that for him but unfortunately, it isn’t allowing me to sleep, I’m not with my husband, and Pierce isn’t getting the peaceful, uninterrupted sleep he really needs. If it was just I not being ok, I could live with that, but I don’t want to hurt my son or my husband in any way. So, I shall try this. We are going to give it a go this weekend and I’m sure once Pierce realizes the booby isn’t there, he will be so relieved to know he can just sleep. Finally. Anyway, I am preparing and I know everyone will be happier and healthier and it won’t be the big deal that I am making it. So… that letting go thing…here’s my first experience with that.
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Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Soooo....I have been exploring around the internet and meeting wonderful women and reading all kinds of blogs! I just can't believe how we can all connect and how many resources there are for us to support and learn from each other. It's amazing. I am loving twittermoms.com and also mombloggersclub.com. I will share many others but these are the ones I'm really into at the moment and building my profile and connecting with people. Have fun and I look forward to meeting and tweeting with all of you soon!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Actress Kelly Rutherford is a woman who certainly practices what she preaches! Not only does the soon-to-be mom of two — she expects her daughter in June — take pride in using Seventh Generation cleaning supplies, she tells OK! that she is an “eco-breastfeeding mom” to her 2-year-old son Hermés Gustaf Daniel.
Of her decision to continue nursing her toddler, Kelly has no regrets, but understands that each mother and child pair approach the situation differently. “It’s not good for everyone, but it’s been great for me,” she says. While the initial benefits hold nutritional value, Kelly explains that extended breastfeeding eventually becomes “a bond or a nurturing thing.” Not to worry, laughs the 40-year-old, there is an end date in sight!
“Obviously, before he goes to college, I’ll probably have to quit breastfeeding. You know when it’s right and you feel that.”
Joking aside, the Gossip Girl actress believes her baby boy will wean himself; Until then, Kelly basks in the continued bonding, extremely grateful for the special time with Hermés. “[Some mothers] have to go to work and they can’t always be there,” she notes. “I’ve been fortunate enough to be a mom who has been able to be around and be home.”
Adopting a similar philosophy to deal with the infamous terrible twos, Kelly seeks advice from The Natural Child, a book that discusses fostering a child’s independence. In a plan to “circumvent the terrible twos and the teenage years,” Kelly reveals that the key to it all seems to be a strong parental presence. “If you take the time now to be there and present with them and listen, hopefully you won’t have such a tough time because they’re both natural phases of independence,” she explains.
“I’m doing my best to put a lot of time in now and listen and be present and support [Hermés] having his own mind, opinions, feelings and emotions, and doing the best I can to be present for those things — instead of ignoring them and hoping it all turns out.”
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
There is nothing quite like the feel of a new baby in your arms. And from that first moment, it will be hard to imagine a time when you will ever want to put your baby down. And then reality sets in (in the form of the laundry, the dishes or the dinner plates) and you you will realize that if you are ever going to get anything done, you may have to figure out a way to put your baby down, or freeing up your arms.
- Aids in bonding between parent and baby
- Provides a safe a secure environment for baby
- Offers a convenient way for parents to hold baby
- Helps to soothe and comfort a fussy baby
- Helps new moms shed baby weight
What a beautiful picture!
I love what she says about her sister calling and asking how to night wean her baby and she didn't have an answer. I am doing extended nursing and co-sleeping as well and will continue until my son doesn't want it anymore or if something else just stops working for us. For now, it is the most wonderful experience and I know time goes by too fast and this won't last forever. My son is so happy and so well adjusted and I truly believe that these things contribute to that so much. How can so much Love and so much contact with his mother be bad?? Thank you for such a great article and for being such an amazing mother.
Friday, March 27, 2009
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