Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Letting go...my first experience.
A very close friend shared something with me when my son was born that someone shared with her when her daughter was born. She held her daughter for the first time after giving birth and someone said, “Now start letting go.”
This is a very understandable concept and yet, not an easy one for me. I love my son so much...more than I can ever, ever explain and I would do anything for him. I am very much an attachment parent and it's all been working well and benefiting all of us. Mostly we see it in Pierce's disposition, his warmth, kindness, sense of humor, willingness to share, communicate and connect on so many levels at such a young age. I, as all of you I'm sure, am a very proud mother. I am going through a bit of something now that needs a slight shift on my part and I know will be better for all of us in the long run. I am pregnant and have been suffering from morning sickness and major fatigue daily. I also have lupus so I definitely need to take care of myself. We went to see Dr. Nancy yesterday; Pierce's amazing pediatrician, and I just feel so lucky that we have her. She is a very similar mother as me, an attachment parent, sensitive, and also chooses homeopathic remedies if needed first, which I am so happy about. We had a discussion yesterday about the nursing, and the sleeping issues I really didn't want to bring up but felt I needed to. As a mother, I realize that I do take care of myself but would definitely sacrifice my health or anything else for Pierce. I know that's not a good thing really because without my strength, I am not of much use to him. Although, trust me, he would never know it, because I would find the strength somewhere and do every day. I've been sleeping with Pierce in the guest room so that we could both sleep and he could nurse if he needed in the middle of the night. This has been our practice for months now. I nurse him until he falls asleep and then I put the monitor on him and go and spend time with my husband. Then I sleep for a while until I hear him and go sleep the rest of the night in there. Lately however, since I've been pregnant, I haven't quite made it into the room to spend time with my husband, because I have not been feeling well and have been so exhausted. I just fall asleep with Pierce at his bedtime. I've known that this hasn't been very healthy for me and certainly isn't making my husband happy. I try to do my best and ask him to understand and support me and he does his best to do that. It still isn't making him happy though and I miss my time with him also. So, back to my talk with Dr. Nancy… She told me that I really need to take care of myself and that it would be so much better for everyone if Pierce was in his crib, in his room, and we were all sleeping well through the night. I agree with this which is why I knew we needed to have this talk, yet I am scared about actually going through what it's going to take to get him there. She said to nurse him before bed and to let Dana go in the middle of the night if he wakes up to soothe him back to sleep. I know most people do this when their babies are only months old but hey, here I am going through it now. I have resisted. The night nursing is not necessary for nourishment at this point and he is only using it for comfort. I want to provide that for him but unfortunately, it isn’t allowing me to sleep, I’m not with my husband, and Pierce isn’t getting the peaceful, uninterrupted sleep he really needs. If it was just I not being ok, I could live with that, but I don’t want to hurt my son or my husband in any way. So, I shall try this. We are going to give it a go this weekend and I’m sure once Pierce realizes the booby isn’t there, he will be so relieved to know he can just sleep. Finally. Anyway, I am preparing and I know everyone will be happier and healthier and it won’t be the big deal that I am making it. So… that letting go thing…here’s my first experience with that.
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